This Post is not about Love

     I'm writing about the common misconceptions and obnoxious opinions about the shootings that took place at Sandy Hook elementary school in Connecticut  on Friday morning.

     First, I want to make it very very clear that no matter how smartassed I get in this post, I in no way take this tragedy lightly. The more I read about it, the more confused and flustered I get. I am truly bewildered by the events that occurred, and my heart goes out to the families who lost children and the children who lost friends and teachers. 

     That being said... I'm about to piss some people off. AND GO.

     1. Taking away an American's right to bare arms would have prevented this.

     "Wendi," Derpina states,  "If guns were illegal, that man wouldn't have had a gun." FALSE. I don't understand why people think making guns illegal will make them go away. Heroine is illegal. Cocain is illegal.  Prostitution is illegal. Marijuana is illegal (in most states.). Shooting people in most circumstances is illegal. And do these things not exist? OF COURSE THEY DO. People do illegal drugs,  pay for sex with prostitutes, and shoot people every day. Sometimes even at the same time. Likewise: If guns were illegal, they would not go away. Law breakers would have guns. And non law breakers would not have guns to protect themselves from people with guns. Sure, not everybody in the country needs to be armed. But, if that secretary had a glock in her desk drawer, the situation would have ended very abruptly. I'm not saying that is the right answer either, but its true. 

     2. I don't get why everyone is making a big deal about this. They won't care in like a week.

     This one is strange to me. This opinion seems to state that people are only justified in being sad about this if they are sad about it forever. I don't even understand where the logic in that is. Almost thirty human beings died at the hands of one man in the same venue. Twenty of which were children. If that doesn't make your stomach curl just a little bit, where is your humanity? And of course people aren't going to be sad about it forever. That isn't normal mental health behavior. There is a balance of sympathy to give, and then moving on. People get emotional about this because, it could have happened anywhere. It could have been their kid. It could have been their mom teaching. Just like with the Batman Movie shooting earlier this summer. It could have happened anywhere. It could have been the movie theatre you're best friend went to. People get emotional because this is a very real horror story. I don't think anyone is not justified to be upset when this kind of thing happens. But there will come a time when people move on. Most of us will keep up with the story as it develops, and move on in a few weeks. That is okay. Some people will send cards to strangers who lost their children just to let them know that they sympathize. Some people have to bury their children next week, and that will take more time than I could ever imagine to heal. And that is okay too (as far as mental health is concerned. Not okay that it happened... You get the idea). 

     My personal Favorite:

     3. The reason God didn't protect those children is because the atheists want God out of schools.

     I can't even begin to express how idiotic this one is. I actually saw it more than once in my newsfeed. 1st, the Christians that post this make God sound like a whiney 6-year-old. "Well. I woulda been there for those kids... I coulda been there for those kids. But, the Atheists won't let me be in schools, so I turned my back on those children and let them die." That is not at all what the God I was taught about would have done, and if you think he would, why do you worship him? The God I was raised to know had a perfectly good reason for this (Although I can't possibly imagine one good enough.). 2nd, Some Christians (please, for the love of everything good in the world, note that I said some) seem to think that Atheists are trying so hard to take everything away from them. Some Christians get so offended when people try to include all beliefs and say, "Happy Hollidays," instead of "Merry Christmas." Some Christians think "In God We Trust" NEEDS to be on our American Currency, and they seem to think that taking it away would severly deAmericanize the dollar, when "In God We Trust," wasn't added to paper currency until 1957. Just like "Under God" in the pledge of allegance. That phrase was not added until the 1950s. But if anyone mentions taking those words away, some Christians will act like the founding fathers are cringing in their graves. Some Christians have this extreemly personal vendetta against Atheists. Like, Atheism means a large group of people who sit around wringing their hands together concocting the next big scheme to ruin every Christian's day. It is really trivial. 

     Could I have prevented this? No. Would more or less guns have prevented this? Probably not. Would God have prevented this? Obviously not. This is something that has happened, and something that has seriously rattled this country, and is something we have to deal with. What do we do now? I don't know. But I do know that placing blame on people with beliefs different than our own is not going to bring those kids back. Blaming pro gunners won't take guns out of other whacko's hands. Blaming anti gunners won't put a glock in every school secretary's desk. Blaming Atheists won't bring about miracles. Blaming God won't bring those kids back either. Instead of pointing fingers, why don't we look, instead to our own lives. Is there anyone you know that could stand a little compassion? Is there anyone you know who might need a couple rounds of Therapy? Or even for you to just seriously listen to them, their story, and their problems? The people who commit these kinds of massacres are in need of a lot of mental help. America doesn't need to take a stand for or against guns or God because of this. America needs to take a stand against mental illness. From the most mild of depressions to the most extreme and dangerous Manias. People that need help should get it. Period.

     THAT'S MY PIECE. This started out as an "I'm Annoyed!" status. Then I realized I had so much to say. BAM. There it is. My heart is sad for the parents that lost their children yesterday. My heart is sad for the community that will forever be remembered as the town where twenty children were shot in school one day. My heart is sad for every person with a mental illness that cannot get help. My heart is sad for the person who felt so alone, so unwanted, so unloved,  so beyond help that he choose to make this his final legacy. 

Derpina went from being "single" to "it's compicated."

     I curse the day Mark Zuckerberg decided it was a good idea to add, "It's complicated," to the list of Facebook relationship options. What does that even mean? You're still sleeping with your ex? You're gay and started dating a boy but you haven't really come out of the closet yet? You've fallen in love with an otter, and are having relations with the otter, but the otter can't really consent, so it isn't "official?" What does it mean to be in a complicated relationship?
    
     My personal favorite is, "Well, I like him a lot. And he likes me too. We've been seeing each other a lot. We just don't want to be in a relationship right now.... it's complicated." HOW does that even make sense? That is complicated. But it's complicated because Derp and Derpina made it complicated.

     "Well, see, it's complicated because he's my ex. And I want to get back together, and he does too... just not right now. So we're just talking and hanging out." I've been here. And let me just say, it is not where you want to be. You broke up for a reason. If you couldn't make it work out when you were together, what makes you think you can fix it when you're not together. Just leave it alone, and move on. >>>>> I suppose there are exceptions to this... IE maturity levels were too different... got back in touch later.. still a spark... let's take two? I'll buy that. <<<<

     What I'm really trying to get at with this blog is that love and relationships don't need to be complicated. Love should be the best and easiest part of your life. If you like each other, be with each other. It is that simple. If you're at a point where you don't know what you want, fine. But don't drag somebody along to be around once you've figured it out. That isn't fair.

     Love is easy. And if it's not, maybe you're in love with the wrong person. If your relationship causes you more stress than your midterms or your work schedule, something is wrong. You should figure out what about it stresses you out, and assess weather it can or cannot be fixed. If it can, talk to your partner. If it can't, stop wasting your time and emotion on something that hurts you. Move on. Easier said than done, I know. But it will be better for you in the long run.

    So if you're Facebook relationship status says, "it's complicated," and his doesn't, you need to take a step back, and look at your life.

Your Problems are Trivial. NOT.

     It's easy to look at a crying toddler and tell them, "It is NOT the end of the world that you will never get to meet Phinneas, Ferb, or Perry. Now shut up, and eat your peas." It's easy, because you know with all your heart and soul that Phinneas, Ferb, and Perry are just fictional characters that don't really exist in our world, and to you, they just add to the list of fictional people that you love to watch or read about, and peas are good for you.
     But to that toddler? Phinneas and Ferb are the coolest kids he knows. They build the COOLEST crap, and their sister is too dumb to catch them at it. AND they have a pet platypus that doubles as a secret agent. Can you GET any more awesome? To that toddler, the only thing stopping him from meeting the two coolest boys on earth is a car ride, and you. Also, peas are disgusting. So bring on the tears.
     It's easy for us to shake our head and say "he'll get over it." And he will. But in that moment, that toddler is absolutely devastated. In that moment, the problem of Phinneas and Ferb's lack of existence is very real, and very psychologically upsetting to that child. Can't you remember being a child, and being so absolutely furious and upset about something that was... well... childish? And the fact that your parents dismissed how upset you were just made you madder. That problem was very real to you at the time.
     I've heard people say things like, "Oh, your boss is a douchebag to you every single day of your life? The starving kids in Africa probably feel really sorry for you." Although there ARE starving children in Africa, being forced to earn money for hours upon hours every week under a boss that treats his minion like crap and lowers their self esteem is a very real personal problem to that person.
      "Your boyfriend cheated on you? My soulmate of 29 years died of smoke inhalation after saving a litter of puppies, and the President from a burning building." Granted, that second scenario probably did have lasting psychological effects on that second woman. But in that moment, the ache of betrayal was a very real personal problem to girl number one.
     "You have a stomach flu and a test coming up? I'm pregnant at 14." "You can't find a job? Animals are being brutally tested on." "You were molested as a child? The economy is crashing." "You're puppy won't stop peeing on everything? I kept losing at level 26 on Nazi Zombies."
     The whole point I'm trying to make here, is that nobody's problems are insignificant.We all have different problems. Some of us have fewer problems than others. Some of us have more severe problems than others. But at one time or another, all of our problems are very very real to every single one of us. And we all need to be more sensitive to that.
     You might think that thirteen-year-old girl is silly for being so upset about the boy who won't pay attention to her ("She'll barely remember him in ten years."), but in that moment, his opinion of her matters more than absolutely anyone else's, and there isn't much you can say to change that.

We all have problems.
And they are all very real and personal to us.
And nobody should tell you that your worries, your bad day, or your awful situation is trivial.

(I'm not saying you need to whine all the time.
And I'm not saying that everyone wants to/needs to/has a moral obligation to hear about your problems.
And if people don't hang around you because you're whiney all the time, I won't say they're not justified.
There's a line in telling your friends your problems, and being whiney to everyone around you. Learn it.
I'm saying that nobody has the right to tell you that your problems are trivial.)

Fight. Then let go.

My second year at Camp Swampy was an interesting one to say the very least. I discovered a new friend, who is now one of my best. I had my heart broken. I recovered. I fell in love and became very best friends with an oddball engineer with too much hair. I got to play a small part in an original script. We got to take the show to Oklahoma. I grew tremendously as an actor. I played a supporting role in a student directed play. I have learned so much in the past ten months. I have learned things about myself, about the dangers of capitalism (thank YOU, Zachary), about theatre, and about people.

I have a knack for giving an ear. Sometimes that's all I do. I can't tell you how often I have done nothing but listen to people. They don't even always ask for my advice- which is probably best on their part, considering I give advice based on what I would do, and my actions tend to be hasty, loud, and usual perceived as "crazy"... People like to talk relationships to me. They like to tell me about their break ups, the people they're chasing, or about a problem they're having in a relationship.

And the advice that I tend to give (or "would give" if they asked for it), no matter what relationship issues this person is having, boils down to one thing. I ask them, "Do you love Sir Gimbletrot? Do you want to be with Sir Gimbletrot?" The answer is almost always yes. Yes she does love him. Yes she does want to be with him. Then I tell her to fight. "Fight for Sir Gimbletrot with all that you have." "He doesn't pay enough attention to me! WAGH," she says. "Tell him that. Fight for him." "He slept with another girl at a party. Just the once." "Make him earn your trust back. But don't make it impossible. Fight for him." "He broke up with me. And I don't understand why." "Make him make you understand. Make him understand that you aren't ready to give up, and fight. Fight for him."

"But Wendi, won't that make him think I'm crazy? If I nag, or if I don't leave him alone and let him have his space?" If he really loved you, he wouldn't see your fighting for him as crazy. If he really loves (or loved) you, he would understand that you feel like you have to do everything you can to keep him because you're just that crazy about him.

However. There comes a time when enough is enough. There comes a time when you can't fight anymore. There comes a time when you shouldn't fight anymore. There comes a time for you to let go. When you have asked for his attention outright and he still won't give it, when he makes hooking up with random girls a habit, when he asks you to let go, it's time. Different situations call for different times to let go. "But Wendi, how do I know when?" How the hell should I know?? Every situation is different. Everyone has a breaking point. You know yours. You know his. You quit before you get there, otherwise, you may never recover.

There comes a time when you have to give up fighting. Even if you only fought a little. There will come a time when your gut will say, "I did everything I could. It's time for me to bow out." or "There is nothing I can do to fix what I need to be fixed." And you should never ignore that feeling. There comes a time when you run out of energy to fight for Sir Gimbletrot. There comes a time when you run out of ammunition to fight for Sir Gimbletrot. Or there comes a time when you run out of reasons to fight for Sir Gimbletrot. And guess what? That. Is. Oh. Kay.

Letting go sucks. God knows I have had a ridiculously rough time letting go. But you know what? I fought with all my heart and soul. I let go. And I fell in love later with someone new. And now, if the time comes, I have all the energy, ammunition, and reasons I need to start the next World War for that man. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I can't always tell you when it's time to raise your white flag, and step out of a futile fight. But I bet you can. I bet your gut will let you know when it's time to throw in the towel. And your gut is usually right. Fight. It might get you exactly what you need. And it might wear you the hell out and get you nowhere. But I promise that you'll feel better knowing that you gave it your all. That leaves far less room for "what might have been."

THAT'S WHAT I'VE GOT TO SAY.
Also it's 1:30 A.M...
Also It's been a LOOOOONG semester.

WHAT DO YOU WANNA READ NEXT?

We Are Human

Look at your friends. You have a lot in common with them, don't you? You like to do the same things. You share similar insight on different issues. But how are they different from you? Are they taller? Are they more outgoing? Are they more into their religion than you are yours? They're different from you.

Look at the people you can't stand. The girl who was mean to you for no real reason in high school. The kid that likes to "one-up" everybody in their stories. The douchebag that cheated on your best friend? But how are they like you? Do they want attention? Do they want friendship? Do they need some way to over come their insecurities?

What about the people you don't like because of their race? Their gender? Their sexuality? The way they look? "I'm not racist. I'm not sexist. And I don't care if two dudes... you know." You might say. And you're probably not lying. And yet...

White women still clutch their purses closer if a large black man is near them. Racism runs rampant in the small town I'm from... I've HEARD people say, "I can't believe we put a n***** in office." Men still like to crack jokes like, "Woman, bring me a sammich." "Why do you need a licsence? There's no highway between the bedroom and the kitchen." And gay people certaintly don't have the rights of straight people.

Not everyone is sexist. Not everyone is racist. And not everyone is homophobic. But there is still enough sexism, racism, and homophobia to give hurtles to anyone who isn't a white straight Christian man.

We are men. We are women.
We are black. We are white. We are Hispanic. We are Asian. We are Indian.
We are gay. We are Lesbain. We are bisexual. We are straight.
We are Hindu. We are Jewish. We are atheist. We are Christian. We are Muslim.
We are young. We are adults. We are elderly.
We are rich. We are poor. We are somewhere in between.
We are human.

We are so afraid of people who are different than us. We are so terrified of people who believe something other than what we do that we forget the value of human life. Yes, we are different. No, that is not a bad thing.

Remember Disney movies? Remember Hercules? He was different in that he was stronger than everybody else. Remember Tarzan? He was different because he was human in a world of gorillas. Remember The Hunchback of Notredame? He was different in the way his body was formed. Remember The Little Mermaid? She was different in that she was curious about humans instead of afraid of them. Remember Pocahontas? She was different in that she fell in love with her father's enemy. Remember Aladin? He was different in that he was poor. All of these stories teach us that we shouldn't ever be threatened by anyone who is different than us. This is a lesson that a lot of us seem to forget.

If every single person in this world could let go of being threatened by someone who looks different, who believes differently, who lives differently than they do, I think a lot of problems in this world could be fixed.

But for some reason, we as humans seem to be designed to hate. And it breaks my heart. Because at the end of the day... we are all human. Good ol' Maslow created that hierarchy of needs.. and at the end of the day, those needs are what we strive for. (If you don't know Maslow's Hierarchy of needs, please google it.) Because, we are human.

We are human.

And I swear, if I see one more status with the word "fag" in it, I am going to do some serious round house Facebook kicking.

"Selfish," is NOT a bad word.

That awkward moment... when I planed my next blog... and my teacher started talking about the subject I was going to blog about in class... and I'm blogging about it anyway... Yep. That's happening.

THAT aside, "selfishness," is not a bad word. "BUT WENDI!" You may argue, "selfish people are bad people! Selfish people only care about themselves. Selfish people don't have anyone else in mind. Selfish people don't care! Selfish people, are mean, rude, and do everything they can to squash the little guy!" And to that argument, I say... Nope.

Guess what? I am one of the most absolute selfish people I know. Every thing I ever do, I do for me. I drink Dr Pepper when I want to. I am a Theatre major, because Theatre is what I want to do with my life. I don't live to please anyone but myself. Even this very blog. I don't write these for your entertainment! I write these because I want to share MY philosophy. I write these because I absolutely LOVE when people say, "Wendi! I read your blog! You are so insightful/awesome/funny/what have you."

"But Wendi! What about Zach? If you are a selfish creep, why does he stick around??" Zach sticks around because he likes my company. He likes what I have to say. He likes when I'm a doofus, and he thinks I'm pretty. Would he like all of those things if I were a "selfish creep?" Of course not! The other day, it was raining. I got out of class early, and I knew Zach needed to walk from the engineering building, to the theater. I borrowed Cassie's umbrella, walked in the rain to the engineering building, and I waited for him to get out of class, just so he could walk under an umbrella. Would anyone say that was a "selfish creep" thing to do? Of course not! But you know what? It was selfish. "HOW, WOMAN, HOW???" You may ask. Well, I did it for me. I wanted Zach to know that I would go out of my way to do something that nice for him. Why? Because it made ME feel like I was being an awesome girlfriend. That act made me feel good about myself. It was all for me!

The problem with the word "selfishness" is that is has a bad connotation. The denotations are not so positive either. The word means, "concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself." And all of its synonyms are negative too. These terms (selfish, egotistical, narcissistic, self-absorbed, etc.) teach us that doing things for ourselves is bad. But it isn't! The problem occurs when a person resorts to hurting other people for themselves. THAT is bad. THAT is being a creep. But I am selfish. And I don't like being associated with douchers that shit on other people to get what they want.

I hope I'm making sense. It's okay to be selfish. It's okay to do what you want for you. If you spend your entire life trying to make someone other than yourself happy, you will live to regret it. Don't let your parents' dreams for you get in the way of yours. Don't let your partner's happiness become more important than your happiness. If you have to let some people down, fine. If they really care about you, they'll be glad you're happy. Just don't steal other people's boyfriends, or dogs. And no matter how much wedgies and swirlies might get your rocks off, find a better outlet... like... ear wax sculpting.

So here's to being selfish. Because if you're not just awesomely excited to share how awesome your life was when you're 107, what's the point to everything, right?

Be selfish.
Be awesome.
And... tell me what you wanna read next!! :)

"I'm the nice guy, and all she wants to be is friends!! WAAAAAHH!"

Boys whine all the time about being "friend zoned." I see statuses about it, I see meme's about it. There are books and movies, songs, short stories, and poems about it. Awkward, nice boy, wants the hot girl, and is stuck being her friend because she doesn't have those feelings for him.

Here is my advice to you nice boys in the friend zone. Step one. Evaluate why she doesn't like you. You might be horribly ugly. Do you know what you should do if you're horribly ugly? Find a girl that is just as ugly as you are, and have ridiculously attractive children. (It happens!). She might think you're a little funny, but she doesn't always seem to get your sense of humor. You know why? Because you are probably a lot smarter than her. You need to go find yourself a girl that is as smart as you, and you can make weird jokes together. Maybe she has a douchebag boyfriend. MOVE ON. She's an idiot for letting herself stay with a douche bag. And if she doesn't have enough respect for herself to demand respect from her boyfriend, she isn't worth your time. Maybe your plans for life don't line up with hers. Maybe you are perfectly content with staying in your small town. And maybe she wants so so so much more. Or vice versa! If this is the case, you should evaluate what would make you happier: throwing away your plans for yourself for her, creating new plans with her, or sticking to your plans and finding someone along the way. But even still, if she has not explicately said, "I like you, but we want different things!" I wouldn't even worry about that one. Or MAYBE, for WHATEVER reason, you are not her type. This is something you must simply accept, and MOVE ON! Maybe you are insanely stupid. If this is the case, I don't think there is much I can do for you.

Not every girl likes douchebags. If you're harping for a girl who's harping for a tool, move on. Girls that love getting treated like crap are stupid girls. You don't want a stupid girl. Do ya? Smart girls are girls that have had a douchey boyfriend and told him to hit the road. Smart girls feel no pitty for girls that let themselves get treated like crap. Smart girls can get over your weird quirks to see what a nice guy you really are. You won't have to try so hard for a smart girl.

Do you want to know why the girl that's friend zoned you wants to stay friends? She's currently being treated like crap by the guy she likes, and loves the attention you give her. Or. She's super lonely, and loves the attention you give her. Or. She really really really needs to talk, and she knows you'll listen. She only likes being your friend because you shower her with the attention that girls love. However, this does not mean your friendship means absolutely nothing to her. Which is why sometimes, the girl might make an effort to keep you around. But still, it is in your better interest to move on.

Now. This isn't true of all male/female friendships. Guys and girls can be friends. In my theatre department, we are all forced to spend so much time together, that friendship is inevitable. (Not that it's a bad thing! I love my MSU family!) So of course, I have guy friends in the department, that I can confidently say, do not like me.

So, when you've been friends with a girl, and you finally get the balls to tell her you like her, and she says, "I'd really just rather be friends." you should not whine about it. Instead, You should put your efforts into a girl that is more like you. Whoever said opposites attract was talking about magnets. Are you a magnet? No. No you are not. A girl with a similar IQ, similar interests, and similar social skills are where you'll be better off.

Avoid over investing by telling the girl how you feel as soon as you know you like her as more than a friend. If she responds positively, AWESOME! If she wants to be friends, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. She's not going to come around.

Now I'm not trying to bash the girls that have put boys in the friend zone. I've done it! But I'm trying not to anymore. If one of your guy friends likes you, tell him you're not interested in him, and leave him alone. If he comes to you, tell him you don't think it's a good idea. Trust me, you'll be doing him a favor by hurting his feelings quick. Like a bandaid!

I Hope I was Helpful!
Thank you Anna Spivey, And Marcus Jones for the blog fodder. :)
WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANNA READ???

If love is blind, how can there be love at first sight?

      Ahhh what a question, indeed. One of my closest friends put that up as her status on Facebook and mentioned in a comment that she would like to see what I have to say about it. I started to write my response in a comment... but then I realized that I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY for this. So. Here I go.

     How can there be love at first site if love is blind? Well. Love at first sight doesn't exist. And... love isn't blind. "But WEEEENDIIII," you argue, "those things are real!!" But alas, they are not.

      Let me start with love at first sight. It can't happen. If it could, the thought of Ryan Reynolds would buckle my knees and send raging butterflies throughout my entire body. But it doesn't. I am just INSANELY attracted to him. You can be insanely attracted to a person, but you can't love someone without knowing them. That isn't romantic, that's creepy. If a boy came up to me and said, "I saw you from over there... and... well... I love you." I would probably say, "Um. That's nice... I have to go... be... ANYWHERE ELSE! Kbye!"

     Love... it isn't blind. The whole "love is blind" phrase essentially boils down to, "love doesn't discriminate," am I right? But... love does discriminate. This goes directly to my last blog about love being conditional. If love didn't discriminate, I could be madly in love with my pink stuffed dragon. Although I am fond of my pink stuffed dragon, I don't want to marry it. For some people, love can discriminate different things. For the bisexual kid, love doesn't discriminate gender at all. For the gay boy and for the straight girl, love for them means another boy. I am straight. I can't love a woman in the same way I can love a man. Love discriminates for me in that way. I am a college student with a 3.7ish GPA. If a boy can't carry an intelligent conversation with me, I won't love him. That is love discrimination! Love isn't blind. You love someone based on how they meet your standards and expectations in a partner. That doesn't mean you can't love someone you didn't intend to. This doesn't mean your standards or expectations won't change. What this means is that when you love someone, you love them because of who they are.

     I hope I answered my friend's question.
     I hope I'm still captivating!
     Sorry there were no bears or velociraptors this time.
     Ask me something else! :)
     (I'll keep it confidential if you want me to!)

I am Super Mad Crazy in Love With You... Conditionally.

"WENDI! Conditional love is unhealthy! Conditional love is BAD. I LOVE my generic boyfriend no matter what he does/wants to do/aspires to be!!" Go ahead. Throw it at me. You love your girlfriend/ boyfriend/ aunt/ puppy/  second cousin once removed/ pet velociraptor absolutely 100%. No MATTER WHAT he/she does. You love this other person/dinosaur UNconditinoally..... False.

"You can't tell me how I love my velociraptor!" You're right. I can't. But I can tell you that you don't love that velociraptor unconditionally.

I used to believe in unconditional love too. But then I was having a chit chat with a hopelessly adorable theatre freshman boy. And he said to me that unconditional love is BS. At first I said, "WHAT? Nooooo...." But then he kept talking, and I kept thinking: he's right! And now I'm blogging about his idea, because... well because he isn't going to. Somebody's gotta do it.

So you have this pet velociraptor. And every day, you just love it more, despite it's quirky little growly shenanigans. That's great! But when that velociraptor eats your shin off, you aren't going to love it anymore. ARE you? That, my friend is conditional love.

Let me try for something that hits a little closer to home (since, I don't really know anyone with a pet velociraptor...). You absolutely adore your girlfriend. She is absolutely perfect in absolutely every way. Even her annoying little imperfect quirks just make you love her more. Awesome. Now let's say, she cheats on you.  Not once. Not twice. But she has been engaged in an on going love affair with a velociraptor. You are hurt. You are crushed. And you know you can't work things out. So you know you have to move on and stop loving her, and love someone better. Guess what? That's conditional love.

So I've broached the pretty negative side of this argument. Let me get a little cheerier. Imagine a person or a velociraptor that you love more than anything in the entire world. Why? Why do you love that person. I can already hear the gears in your head turning: "The way her little green scales glisten in the sunlight. The cute way she devours the raw meat I toss her. The way she lays her scaley little head in my lap when she's sleepy. The way she looks at me just after she's killed the pig she's about to eat." BAM! Conditions.

When you meet a person, you want to get to know them better because of A, B, and C. When you get to know them better, you may decide you want to take them out because of D, E, and F. When you go out with them, you decide to go out again because of G, H, and I. And then by X, Y, and Z, you could very well be in love with that person. You love the people you love because they meet your expectations. You love the person you love because of certain traits they have. You love that person because of those conditions.

Nobody loves anyone for no reason. That doesn't even make sense.

"But Wendi, the guy I love wants to be a fireman. I wouldn't love him any less if he wanted to be an underwater basket weaver." Well, then your love's career choice is clearly not one of your conditions. But if he decided instead of being a fireman that he wanted to be a prostitute, you might change your mind.

Argue with me if you must.
But we love each other with conditions.
Some of us may have fewer or more conditions.
But nobody loves someone else for no reason.
If there is love without reason,
then there is sun without light.
Fact.

CHEW ON THAT!
And... what do you want to read next? :)

I LOVE WHAT YOU LOVE... But Not Really...

     As a couple, it is expected that the two of you should do things together. It is important to try new things together. Go see a band that neither of you have never heard of do a show. Go get certified to scuba dive together. Go take a class in underwater basket weaving. Really, the activity doesn't matter. But an adventure into new things can be great when the two of you have absolutely nothing better to do.

     Sometimes, you don't even have to stretch that far. Sometimes it is okay to go try something that one of you has done and knows a lot about, but the other of you has never done before in your life. Let your girlfriend take you to her Yoga Class. Let your boyfriend teach you how to shoot a gun. (Okay. I'm falling into gender stereotypes...) Let your girlfriend show you how to take apart and put back together an engine to a car. Let your boyfriend teach you his favorite cookie recipe. (TAKE THAT, you anti-gender-rolers!) Show each other what you're into.

     It is important to be open minded when your boyfriend says "I really want to make gingersnaps. And I have this AWESOME recipe. Won't you come bake them with me?" You shouldn't say "Ugh. Baking? No thanks." You should say, "That sounds great!" and be enthusiastic to try it. What have you got to lose? It is also acceptable to say "I'd rather not bake cookies with you. The last time I baked cookies was with my Aunt Lisa. When she opened the oven, a bear jumped out and mauled her to death right in front of me. Every time I get near cookie dough, I think BEAR, and I pee my pants." That is okay too... so long as your story is true. Be open minded.

     Now lets say that you openmindedly agreed to bake cookies. And lets say that you just had a god-awful time. The precise measuring... the egg breaking... the work... the bear in the oven... it was all just too much. You felt overwhelmed and sweaty, and you legitimately did not enjoy yourself. That is okay too. Now you know that you do not enjoy baking cookies like your partner does. That is fine too.

     This is what you should not do: Continue baking cookies. "Well, I hated baking cookies with my boyfriend. But he really likes making cookies. I will force myself to make cookies with him because it will make him happy." So you go in the kitchen, you have a sour attitude. You have an awful time again. Your sour attitude rubs off on your boyfriend. And everyone is unhappy. OR If your aunt WAS mauled by a bear while baking cookies with you, and your boyfriend asks you if you want to bake cookies, you should not think, "Well. I know when that oven opens, I will pee my pants. I will fear that a bear is going to attack me, I will assume the fetal position and cry. BUT. He likes baking cookies. I MUST FORCE MYSELF TO BAKE COOKIES WITH MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH IT CAUSES ME EMOTIONAL TRAUMA. And he will love me." No. No that is not what you should think. Because then... you will pee on yourself from fear of a bear attack.

     Although my example is silly, it is applicable to any interest or activity. If you have never tried it, why not, especially if your partner is extremely passionate about it? And if you know that you are just flat not interested in whatever it is that your partner is interested in, tell them. Because forcing yourself to do something you don't like, just to make your partner happy, won't make you OR your partner happy.

     And if your partner is not interested in your cookie baking, that doesn't mean you should stop. A relationship involves teamwork. But you should never lose site of yourself and what you love in order to please your partner.

     Share interests. Have your own interests. Don't be closed minded about new things. Don't fake anything. Ever. Enjoy each others' company. THE END!

PS: I paragraphed this time. I figure the great wall of text is overwhelming. :)
ALSO: What do you want to read about next?
I find that I am often ridden with writer's block. POUT.
Prompts are wonderful. :)

Lies that Nicholas Sparks Told Me.

First, let me start off by saying that I LOVE Nicholas Sparks. I have read every book he's published (except his newest one. BUT I have it on my iPad and intend to read it soon.) Yes, his stories are a tad repetitive. Yes, the movies are starting to get more hype than they might deserve. But, ever since I read my first Sparks book when I was 13, his stories of a love that is so absolute and pure has inspired me to never settle for anything less than I deserve. But there is one recurring theme in a handful of his books that hasn't sat quite right with me since I've gotten older. True love never fades. True love never dies. To be really truly in love means to never truly let go. FALSE! And Nicky isn't the only one that likes to sport that idea. Movies, songs, and other authors like this idea too. Although it is a nice sentiment, it is completely untrue. Sometimes, people can be in true, real, stupid love. And sometimes, it is requited 100%. And sometimes, those people have to learn to take their heart back, put it back in their own chest, and eventually, hopefully, give it to someone else some day. I hate how a person can look at another with such stars in their eyes, and honestly believe that they are really truly in love one day, and after time, for whatever reason think, "God... what was I thinking? Those feelings I had must have been indigestion or something. Those feelings were not legitimate. That was not true love." And now, because its over, they completely devalue everything that it was before it was over. I think that might be a defence mechanism. Or maybe people are afraid to show their vulnerability. "If it was true love, it wouldn't be over," some may argue. But I can tell you from first hand experience... that. is. not. true. I have learned that no matter how much you may be in love, no matter how much the two of you had planned, no matter what the two of you have already shared, no matter how much you fight for the one you love, sometimes, you have to let go. Believe me, I know how much easier that is said than done. Letting go is one of the absolute hardest things that we has humans have to do sometimes. But when you let go, when you move on, I beg you not to deny those stars you once had in your eyes. That guy may have been a complete and total tool that wouldn't give you the time of day. But don't deny those imaginary conversations you wanted to have with him. Don't deny the woozy feeling in your stomach that he gave you when he looked at you the right way. He may not have deserved those feelings, but they were there. You had your heart set on marrying that girl, and for whatever reason, she backed out. You can't deny that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. Just because your heart doesn't feel it now, doesn't mean your heart was wrong in feeling it before. It's okay to fall out of love. It's okay to be hurt and angry because things didn't work out. "But I was so young when I thought I was in love with him." That doesn't make it any less real. "But I have loved since then and it was so much better." That is great. But it still doesn't devalue what you once felt for the one before. Don't turn your love for someone into hate or apathy. Let it go. And instead think of the things the person you loved taught you about yourself and what you want out of love in the future.
Also. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO READ NEX? :D